Stepparenting for dummies

So tonight The Lovely Rhonda is off being awesome at some work thing, and that makes me the lonely hausfrau.

The smallest child sustained an exacerbation to a minor knee injury and there were floods of tears, such that after I sat by her bed reading to her there was a damp spot on my pants from sitting in the various emanations.  Yes, I’m sure it wasn’t pee.

Pretty sure.

I hope.

Other than that, pretty typical day.  They’re either sniping at each other and tattling, or else they’re racing around the house whooping and hollering and playing.

DAMN KIDS MAKING SO MUCH NOISE  *shakes fist*

The floods of tears came mainly at bedtime from the youngest, necessitating a cold pack, some kid-Motrin, a Dora book and then Goodnight Stinky Face (since Goodnight Moon could not be located).  Afterward I turned off the light and said goodnight in my usual awkward stepparenty kind of way.

I WANT TO NUGGLE.

Uh…  Okay?

And so we nuggled.  And I listened to her tell many interesting things about pweschool, Hawwoween, Dowa the Explowa, and (by far my favorite) twick-o-tweeting.  She’s up on the whole thing:

TWICK O TWEET, SMEWW MY FEET, GIVE ME SOMETHING GOOD TO EAT.

Do they really smell your feet?

No, she says.  Dey give you a handful of candy and you put it in the bag.

Really, she went on and on even by my standards, and I’m fairly liberal about these things.

Finally it was time to make my exit, and I put the other kids to bed after reading a Disney princess Halloween-themed book and one about how dinosaurs love underpants and how this inevitably led to their violent and tragic demise.  I felt compelled to point out how the dinosaurs and cavemen did not actually coexist, but aside from that it went smoothly.

Also, I’m fairly sure that boxer briefs had little, if anything, to do with mass extinction, but what do I know? I’m no expert on this kind of thing.

I put the middle kid to bed and as I turned to go she said wistfully, Did you snuggle?

I said, We did, a little.  But I need to tuck Delia in too.  How about a really big hug?

Okay!  she says, and the really big hug is delivered.

Fifteen minutes later everyone’s asleep.

EVERYBODY JUST SETTLE DOWN, I GOT THIS