So last week we took the Collective Spawn, plus two additional Spawn, to the beach for a few days.
We had a large main spawn, a small auxiliary spawn, an emergency backup spawn, and two spare spawn. Five spawn, ages 5, 5, 7, 7 and 8. Friends, that is a lot of spawn, and all girls too.
The mother of the extra two girls had pressing matters to attend to and joined us later on Thursday evening, so we weren’t completely responsible for all of them the whole time. But she’s also heavy with child, so we kind of were. Because big pregnant ladies are not that inclined to perform extraneous movements. Except cooking, and sleeping. She did both of those things pretty frequently.
We stayed at a beach house not far off the actual shore. Unfortunately this involved a fairly lengthy slog over a poorly positioned sand dune. I shall be contacting the local municipality regarding this. Despite this and other obstacles, mainly laziness and dense fog, we stormed the beach daily. There was digging in sand, beachcombing, kite-flying and nearly total immersion in seawater (for certain of the spawn) and/or wading up to the mid-calf region (for the less-adventuresome spawn).
Since we have paranoia issues, and vivid imaginations, we could not allow any spawn to enter the waves higher than mid-calf without adult accompaniment.
The Lovely Rhonda is not inclined to bathe in frigid Pacific waters.
The pregnant lady was excused due to her delicate condition.
Our friend Josh didn’t bring a suit and his awkward-white-guy shorts would have fallen straight off his toothpick body if they’d gotten wet, just by virtue of wicking action alone.
This left whom, exactly, to be the accompanying adult?
Why yes, that would be me. THANKS FOR NOTHING, GUYS.
So I put on my suit and I waddled out to the water and I submerged myself in it slowly while holding the hands of wriggling children who either a) had no natural fear of drowning or b) would only go in up to their knees before screaming in terror and demanding to be returned to shore. I did this for about forty-five minutes each time although it felt more like eternity. The water temperature hereabouts is in the neighborhood of about 56 degrees Fahrenheit. SO MUCH FUN OMG.
Actually it was super fun and I win the valedictorian of being awesome.
Here is a photo of the children wearing sunglasses. Enjoy.
On a related note, as we slogged down to the beach I commented to Josh that I hated it when they ran, especially downhillish on pavement, because I just KNEW that one of them would fall down and lose her mind over the ensuing minor injury.
Obviously one of them had to then fall down, mere seconds later. It was the spawn on the bottom right of the above photo.
When I took this photo they of course all demanded to see it, and that particular child’s response was to whine about how her knee was in the picture and she didn’t want anyone to see her knee and couldn’t we take another picture?
If you enlarge the picture you can almost see two tiny dots of scab. I intend to traumatize her later in life with this story so it’s good I’m documenting it here.