Monthly Archives: September 2022

MEOW MOTHERF*CKER

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So I’m staying at my Dad’s for a couple days helping out with some odds and ends and he has this cat that he took in because she was a stray and pregenönte. She’s tiny and cute and has had the babies and they are weaned now.

The cat and kittens are kept in the spare room because Dad’s girlfriend Kandi has a beautiful fluffy tortoiseshell cat that doesn’t like any other living thing in the world other than Kandi. Like, if you walk up to where she’s glowering at the world from her cat post perch she will complain that SOMEONE APPROACHES ME WHICH IS CLEARLY NOT PERMITTED and give you a warning meow, which even if you’re not fluent in Seriously Disgruntled Cat you will get the gist of, and then if you dare extend your hand to her — the very NERVE — she will throw you some Bea Arthur shade followed by INSTANT COMBATIVENESS.

So, if you were a young and healthy street cat who got herself into a little situation and now that situation is over, and you were being kept shut in a spare room all day while the Goblin Queen nibbles dainties and scrëms insults from her elevated throne in the other room, you’d probably get bored. And maybe you’d express this boredom by yelling at the walls all night. And who could blame you? Your kids are little snot-nosed punks who hurl themselves at you all day and night, and there are innumerable squirrels and birds outside snubbing their collective noses at you through the screen all day, and you’re just dying to get out there and party.

It’s all very understandable but leaves one singular victim to the whole scenario, namely me. I didn’t sleep well the night before because I’m elderly and drank something with caffeine in it a little too close to bedtime, i.e. after 4:30pm, resulting in Restless Entire Body Syndrome, so when I got to Dad’s I was fully prepared to bolt straight for the guest bed within minutes. I got all settled in, crushed a few candies, merged a few dragons, sent a few dank memes to my brother, and turned out the light. Slumber beckoned me. I slept.

… for like an hour.

MEOW! MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW! MeeeeeeeYOW!

Repeat on the half hour for seven hours. End scene.

Oh and the kittens? Total wretches, all three of them. Attacking toes, knocking things off the dresser, etc. and they’re not super well socialized so they’re not cuddly in the classic sense. They’ll tolerate you but might run. So all the cuteness but none of the satisfaction of rumbly kitten purrs etc.

Virtue: maybe not its own reward this time.

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