So the other night I took a couple of the spawn out to the Smart(ish) Kids Program Family Game Night. The third and youngest spawn was unable to attend owing to her lack of engagement with the Clean Your Damn Room initiative of November 2016. This meant that The Lovely RhondaTM was forced to stay home with her and thus
avoid miss the teeming mayhem of fifty children between the ages of 7 and 12 allegedly playing games with one another.
What actually occurs is that fifty children between the ages of 7 and 12 mostly chase each other around popping the hundreds of balloons that some genius had the bright idea of inflating and distributing around the room. So it goes.
The Family Game Night has previously been held at an education service district building pretty near by, and so because I failed to pore over the email for location details because I am not smart, I operated on the assumption that it would be held in the same place this year. Silly me. Thus we found ourselves, the two older spawn and myself, unsupervised in a large, empty parking lot with the goal of quickly reaching the middle school a couple of miles away.
Friends, I am not a crazy driver. I do not speed (much) and I largely obey the rules of the road, using my turn signals and coming to a complete stop whenever indicated. But this is a large, empty parking lot, we have to get somewhere fast, and I am heady with the fumes of Friday night.
“GUYS I’M GOING TO DRIFT!” I yell, and dash around corners of the parking lot at slightly reckless speeds. The parking lot has a long entry road and there is no one around. I punch it and we bomb and weave toward the road in front of us.
The children and whooping and hollering and the oldest child splutters, “MAMA YOU ARE BEING THE DRIVER THAT OTHER DRIVERS SWEAR ABOUT! THEY ARE ALL ‘GOSH DARN YOU FLABBER GABBING THING A MA BIBBER!'” as she claws around for something to hold onto.
And I laugh until I can’t breathe, and we head off to the middle school sedately, obeying all traffic laws and using the turn signal, for two hours of
balloon popping chaos Family Game Night. The end..