Disagree is not the same as disapprove


So today I was mulling something over that was kind of bugging me.  I’d even had a dream about it the other night.  I’d chased someone around in the dream angrily demanding answers.

There I was, driving along perseverating on this thing that was bugging me and then this number popped into my head:  FORTY-EIGHT.

I am FORTY-EIGHT years old.

Aren’t I a little too old, AT FORTY-EIGHT, to let something bug me like this?  Because this thing is not something with an easy answer and angrily demanding one won’t get me anywhere, in dreams or in reality.

Chances are good that I’m misinterpreting part of the situation.  Chances are also good  that even if I’m not, nothing will really change the outcome.  It is what it is, and I’m not going to change it by confronting anybody.

It turns out that you’re never going to be anybody but who you are, and if somebody doesn’t like who you are they can just move along.  Sometimes you just have to make peace with that and get on with your life.  I’m not saying it won’t still hurt.  I’m just saying that it’s not worth my time anymore.

So here’s an open message to anybody who reads it: If I’m not good enough, or my family isn’t good enough, or my house isn’t good enough, or the way I live my life isn’t good enough, or virtually anything that is about me isn’t good enough for YOU, that is of no concern to ME at all.  I’m not living my life for you and you don’t get a say in how I live or whether I’m happy.

If you’re wondering if this is about you, just ask yourself: do you disapprove of me in any major way?  If so, do you also love me despite whatever it is that you disapprove of?  Do you express your disapproval to me in some way, whether out loud or silently?  (Note: disagree is not the same as disapprove)  Do you make decisions about spending time with me based on your love, or is it more based on your disapproval?

If the disapproval outweighs the love, then yes, maybe this is about you.

I spend a lot of time in my work with people who are so broken and sick that they have no one.  If you have a choice, your choice should be to love everybody who can stand you, because you don’t know when that might get taken away from you.  If I love you, I love you despite anything about you that I may not agree with. That is my superpower.

If your disapproval outweighs your love, move it along.  There is no room for you here.

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