So about three years ago The Lovely Rhonda and I moved into this house. I like to call it The Swamp because that makes me feel all Shrek-y, and who doesn’t like Shrek? If I were green and my ears stuck out a bit I might be rather Fiona-esque.
Well, I guess I’d have to be younger too. And royal. Also, a bit nicer.
Anyway, back to The Swamp. It was — and pardon me but there just really is no other word to describe it — a bit of a shithole. The Ex-Mister-The Lovely Rhonda lived in it for a year as Bachelor Dad Guy, with their girls (ages 3 and 1) there with him half-time, and let’s just say that his housekeeping standards were somewhat lax. The front window had broken vertical blinds that wouldn’t open, everything smelled strongly of the dog, and the entire interior still sported the weird peachy-tan color that it had been painted before they bought it, a year before I blundered into TLR’s life and completely decimated it like Godzilla over Tokyo. It’s a 70’s tract house and anything we do to it short of demolition is likely to improve it.
Come to think of it, demolition doesn’t sound too bad. But I digress.
The first thing we did when we moved in was paint as many of the rooms as we could. This included borrowing a sprayer and giving what was the master bedroom several coats of primer and then paint. This was necessary because The Ex Mr. TLR had retaliated to having his wife leave him for another woman by painting what had been their bedroom Manly Guy colors. Apparently there is a paint selection for the recently divorced gentleman featuring such shades as single-dad-forgot-the diaper-bag-again toddler-poo brown and ashes-of-my-cold-dead-marriage gray, because those are the colors he chose. It took twelve solid hours of work and four coats of paint to make it habitable again.
At any rate, we’ve made many other changes since then such as knocking out a wall, making half the garage into our bedroom, replacing a sliding glass door with a window, and (ongoing) having new siding installed. And we made the customary pilgrimage to Ikea for a modest entertainment center and some low bookshelves to put in front of the front window. This is an improvement over the previous arrangement but unfortunately now it means that the curtains covering the living room window are too long.
Enter writer’s mother, stage right.
So my Mom is going to hem them for us, because she is awesome like that, and so now you know why I’m spending part of my day cleaning the front window and replacing the drapes with mismatched curtain panels left over from the former sliding glass doors.
SEE HONEY I’M NOT A HOARDER, I’M JUST PRACTICAL.