So today I awoke to some issues that you don’t want to hear about, and after a few attempts it became clear that I was not actually going to succeed in leaving the house. So I laid around trying to not feel too wretched. This is not as easy as it sounds, sometimes. Eventually I resorted to a book on CD and some minor household tasks to amuse me.
I’m not much of a seamstress but if you have something that requires repair and it won’t be worn out in public ever, I’m totally the gal for you. I have honed my skills on stuffed animals with split seams or that the dog has taken a liking to, the occasional wayward button, and now: a sleeping bag. The spawn have these kid-sized sleeping bags of the sort one might use at a sleepover or summer camping, and recently I was compelled to wash them. They had that slightly mildewy-smelling funk that things get from being stored in the garage, and they’ve seen a few gymnasium floors in their day (for elementary school movie night). Unfortunately one didn’t survive the experience unblemished, and I was faced with a six-inch split seam.
Now, I don’t own a sewing machine. The thought of it terrifies me. I would be That Lady who sews things to other things by mistake, perhaps even to something I am currently wearing. It wouldn’t be pretty. So I got out the little sewing kit that we keep in the drawer in the kitchen and I found some pink thread and I sat right down on the couch and started sewing that bad boy right up. I even used a few pins to keep the slippery nylon fabric edges together so it wouldn’t keep slipping and sliding around. I’m practically ready to be a costumer for the New York Metropolitan Opera, yo.
Okay, not really.
The seam isn’t beautiful, but the object here — to keep the insides of the sleeping bag from becoming the outsides — has been accomplished. And I figure this little repair is saving us forty-five dollars plus tax. Because if we replace one kid’s fifteen-dollar sleeping bag, we’ll have to replace them all; otherwise there will be resentment and grudges and eventually they’ll do drugs and sleep around because of how unhappy their childhoods were. We can’t have that.
Now I just have to figure out how to spin the whole thing so it’s actually super cool to use the one with the big awesome scar on it!
I was still feeling pretty pitiful but was so torn with wanting to do something useful. I looked around for another one of those things I’d been meaning to do and spied a pair of eyeballs on my desk. Obviously this would require SuperGlue, so I rummaged around in the junk drawer and found some. Pretty soon Big Lethal Pointy Metal Owl had eyes again. He’d had them initially, but then they fell off when we unwrapped him. I guess if I spent a year wrapped in newspapers inside a cardboard box in somebody’s garage my eyeballs might fall off too.
I think he looks a bit better with eyes. I’d gotten used to seeing him with no eyes, so now he looks kind of surprised all the time. Or angry.
Later I finished something I’d started the day before, wherein I had run hot water with bleach into my washing machine and let it soak for a while. Then I ran hot water with vinegar in it. This allegedly loosens up the grim and “scale,” whatever the hell that is. Then I got an old, slightly scratchy washrag and essentially sanded the grime deposits off the agitator and the rim of the wash tub. I went ahead and ran more hot water and threw some vinegar in there, and let me tell you, I have no idea how the clothes ever got clean in that thing considering how much it stank to clean it like this. A crapload of crud came out of the various nooks and/or crannies. Yech.
By the end of the day I was feeling somewhat less horrible. Apparently the absence of vileness caused me to completely lose my mind to some kind of post-malaise euphoria, because I then found myself under the kitchen sink removing everything from the cupboard and scrubbing it out.
I’m going back to school in a little over a month and I think I want things to be halfway orderly before I start. We’ve reached Defcon Level: Crusty around here lately, and I’m doing my fall cleaning or something. One crummy little project at a time.