Blather! And stuff.

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So my cousin came over this weekend to hang out.  She likes to be useful, so in addition to sitting around playing computer games we also tend to do home improvementy things when she’s here.

Last time she was here we, meaning mostly she, lugged bags of pea gravel around and made a desolate weedy strip along one side of the house into a satisfyingly tidy place to store the various trash and recycling bins.  This time we tackled the yard in general, for The Lovely Rhonda and I are having a PAR-TAY this coming Friday.  First we’ll bore everyone to death with an Overpriced Cooking Gadgetry presentation, and then we will reward them for their willingness to sit through such things by serving beer and having a backyard fire to poke at while drinking the beer.  This is what passes for a good time in suburban America these days, folks.  I COULDN’T MAKE THIS SHIT UP IF I TRIED.

Actually, I’m really looking forward to it.  The Overpriced Gadgetry is generally very high quality and guaranteed for life, and though I don’t have a lot of money to sink into such things and neither does anyone else I know, there are some reasonably priced items to be had.  But that’s not what I’m looking forward to.  It’s just an excuse to get together, which IS what I’m looking forward to.  There will be food, and friends, and kids, and if people are inclined there can be games and such.

So, to prepare for this there was a certain amount of Yard Maintenance that needed to occur.  We have children (toys and junk strewn everywhere), and a large enthusiastic dog (Otto bombs), and there is much foliage.  Most of it is desirable, but of course that which grows the fastest and requires the most attention tends to be the volunteer sort.  I’M TALKING TO YOU, BLACKBERRY VINE.

So, my cousin came over.  Yesterday it was muggy.  It was hot, and sticky, and muggy, and I was tired, and yeah.  We were lazy bums.  We sat around and played the MMORPG of our choice and then she made chicken tarragon which was fantastic.  And then the children reluctantly went to bed and we played some more.

This morning the little dears were up early.  As was, it turned out, my cousin.  Once I was sufficiently caffeinated I joined her outside, and by lunchtime the backyard was looking pretty decent.  There was pruning, and digging, and weeding, and mowing, and pooper-scoopering.  To the tune of A 5-GALLON BUCKET of poop. My cousin deserves a medal, for it was she who wielded the Scooper of Doom.

Good thing we got an early start, because just as we finished the rain began.   It’s actually cool in here to the point that I almost wish I was wearing pants!

… Oh, stop it.  I’m wearing SHORTS.

Anyway, I thought I’d post something so amazing it was a whole year in the making.

I call it, "Absence of Junk."

You can just see the outline, in dirty crud, of where a cardboard box sat for a whole year.  In the box was a gigantic old dinosaur of a computer monitor that had formerly resided in the shed that we tore down.  Yes, that shed.  That one shed that we tore down.

YES IT WAS A YEAR AGO.  Shut up.

You can’t throw things like this in the landfill.  You have to load them tediously into your car and drive them to an electronics recycler.  The closest one is at the Goodwill.

YES IT’S ONLY A COUPLE OF MILES AWAY.  Shut up again.

But it’s so big!  And heavy!  And dirty!  Because it sat in a filthy shed for who knows how long, and then it sat in a cardboard box in my driveway for a year!

And I’m so lazy!

So the stupid thing sat and mocked me for a solid year, and today when I got up I decided that this was the day.

Okay, mostly because I also had some other junk to donate to the Goodwill, but still.  TODAY IS THE DAY!

And so.  Yes!  It’s gone!  WHY DID I WAIT SO LONG WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME OMG.

I also moved the junk that was sitting there that I almost posted for free on Craigslist.  Free to good home: antiquated rickety wheelbarrow, annoying be-wheeled twirly tangly garden-hose-holder thingy, and three (not four, as might make actual sense) sawhorse leg assemblies.  Why, you ask, did I not post it?  Because the Ex-Mr. The Lovely Rhonda (he of The Infamous Sharpie Card) just bought a house and needs such things, and reportedly will be picking them up this week.

(He’d also like our entire complement of major home appliances but since we’re still using them, that’s not so much going to happen.  Sorry!)

Anyway, they have a lovely little corner under the arbor vitae to sulk in until they move to their new home.

So, to reward you for wading through all this blather about nothing very interesting, here is a photo of the cat.  Enjoy!

Mr. Stupidhead

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